Hey, it's me again, it's 3:45am and I'm up and its October. I don't know what there is about fall, but its a time of looking back for me. Earlier this year we made the decision, or should I say God called us to a to make a move, either way, we are at a new church but it's an old church, 156 years old to be exact. The congregation has become aged and the building in a bit of disrepair, neither is too far gone, but they both need some life pumped back into them. That seems to be where God has taken us and a small group of others to task.
Because of this change, I have been thrown into a group of total strangers that in the process of getting to know them and sharing about myself, I have talked about what this blog has meant to me, how through sharing my story, about stepping out of the shadows of shame and darkness, I found forgiveness and peace.
I'm finding that the continued discussions about my abortion have opened doors for people to be vulnerable about things in their lives. So even though it has been eight years since I sat down with a computer in the wee hours of the morning, tears running down my face, pouring out the pain that I had been carrying for 30 years, the story still being used.
Recently I found myself laying in bed awake, very aware that if my child had been born, it would be 38 years old this year. I don't sit here crying anymore, or at least not painful sobs, maybe a little misty and sad about the child I don't know.
But as I thought about this fact, I began to have another perspective about abortion that actually drove me out of bed, and brought me back here to the pages of my story. As with the bulk of my posts, its the wee hours of the morning, I'm snuggled in a wooly sweater and socks, sitting in a dark room, focused on the words I feel the need to put to page.
I had the opportunity to hear a sermon about abortion last summer and it is a topic that is difficult to address, the bible does not mention the practice, but in simple terms, it says do not kill.
The thing that struck me this morning has to do with the ancient practice of sacrificing children to pagan gods. I would like to say that sacrificing children was a thing of the past, but if you take a few minutes to google child sacrifice you can see that it is still alive in places like Uganda. But it's very clear that in the bible that God was angry with his people when they turned away from Him and became involved with pagan gods. One account was recorded in 1 Kings 11:4-11 “As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the LORD. . . . On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. . . . The LORD became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the LORD’s command.”
Historians who have studied these pagan rituals can document sacrifices of many kinds from food, gold, animals and even children. All in the hope that they would have a better future, more wealth, fertility, better health, penance for bad behavior, and the list goes on.
People have sought guidance from a higher power for centuries upon centuries, and they have looked for these gods in statues, symbols, and signs.
So you ask, what does this have to do with abortion? Please bear with me and follow me down the rabbit hole.
If you are facing an unwanted pregnancy, or just in a situation that is uncomfortable, or inconvenient, ask yourself "What is the benefit of seeing this through, even if it's difficult now?" Yes, an unwanted pregnancy can be painful, it can cause shame if it's out of marriage or a committed relationship, it can cause financial hardships and force a change in plans for your life. In my case, to have to tell parents when I was just a teen myself.
But there is a bigger picture that God has for us that we usually can not see, a life that we will never imagine. To abort a child it the same thing, the sacrifice of a life for our own benefit. Some will say "but what if it's for medical reasons?" and I've seen political ads on TV of a couple stating that had a child that at 20 weeks of the pregnancy the doctors deemed that the child would have no quality of life, or extreme birth defects so they felt it was better to abort the child, so they were against the politician that was up for vote because he wanted to restrict abortions. The parents facing that imperfect child said, no, we don't want to have to deal with this, so take its life. I've seen cases where people have been born with extreme disabilities and they still have found ways to contribute to this world, and I've seen children who were bedridden and struggling to live, but their families were given the chance to learn how to love, and yes sometimes you will face the burden of only a few hours of life with the child. You could have a child that is happy and healthy, but you have to give up your dream of college and a fancy career or have the memories of a bad experience, but how you face that is the choice.
I know there are many ways to see the abortion decision, sometimes we are faced with a result of our own behavior, sometimes rape is the cause or medical issues, but whatever the reason that brings you to that choice, we need to take our benefit out of the reason. We have to remind ourselves that we are being given an opportunity to grow, to rely on God to see it through, we don't know the outcome and I'm sure there will be challenges along the way. If it was a wanted pregnancy with a perfect baby, in the end, there would not be a debate. But unwanted or imperfect babies are the challenge, you know there will be pain on the road ahead, but remember that taking away the baby rarely solves the problem and in many cases creates new issues you will face and maybe taking away the baby will rob you of an opportunity you will never see, or healing you will never find.
Yes I have rambled on today, and it been a bit of a windy road, but as I've gotten older I've learned that the challenges that have landed at my feet have always been opportunities for me to grow as a person. No, I have not faced every one correctly, sometimes there has been kicking and screaming along the way, but I have learned that giving those challenges to God makes them more bearable. He loves us no matter how badly we handle the choices we are presented with, and with every choice, there is an opportunity to be a better me, to find my purpose in the circumstance, to see more of Gods grace and mercy over me when I fail, to feel loved when I'm unlovable, but sometimes you have to wade through the muck to get there.
Because of this change, I have been thrown into a group of total strangers that in the process of getting to know them and sharing about myself, I have talked about what this blog has meant to me, how through sharing my story, about stepping out of the shadows of shame and darkness, I found forgiveness and peace.
I'm finding that the continued discussions about my abortion have opened doors for people to be vulnerable about things in their lives. So even though it has been eight years since I sat down with a computer in the wee hours of the morning, tears running down my face, pouring out the pain that I had been carrying for 30 years, the story still being used.
Recently I found myself laying in bed awake, very aware that if my child had been born, it would be 38 years old this year. I don't sit here crying anymore, or at least not painful sobs, maybe a little misty and sad about the child I don't know.
But as I thought about this fact, I began to have another perspective about abortion that actually drove me out of bed, and brought me back here to the pages of my story. As with the bulk of my posts, its the wee hours of the morning, I'm snuggled in a wooly sweater and socks, sitting in a dark room, focused on the words I feel the need to put to page.
I had the opportunity to hear a sermon about abortion last summer and it is a topic that is difficult to address, the bible does not mention the practice, but in simple terms, it says do not kill.
The thing that struck me this morning has to do with the ancient practice of sacrificing children to pagan gods. I would like to say that sacrificing children was a thing of the past, but if you take a few minutes to google child sacrifice you can see that it is still alive in places like Uganda. But it's very clear that in the bible that God was angry with his people when they turned away from Him and became involved with pagan gods. One account was recorded in 1 Kings 11:4-11 “As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the LORD. . . . On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. . . . The LORD became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the LORD’s command.”
People have sought guidance from a higher power for centuries upon centuries, and they have looked for these gods in statues, symbols, and signs.
So you ask, what does this have to do with abortion? Please bear with me and follow me down the rabbit hole.
If you are facing an unwanted pregnancy, or just in a situation that is uncomfortable, or inconvenient, ask yourself "What is the benefit of seeing this through, even if it's difficult now?" Yes, an unwanted pregnancy can be painful, it can cause shame if it's out of marriage or a committed relationship, it can cause financial hardships and force a change in plans for your life. In my case, to have to tell parents when I was just a teen myself.
But there is a bigger picture that God has for us that we usually can not see, a life that we will never imagine. To abort a child it the same thing, the sacrifice of a life for our own benefit. Some will say "but what if it's for medical reasons?" and I've seen political ads on TV of a couple stating that had a child that at 20 weeks of the pregnancy the doctors deemed that the child would have no quality of life, or extreme birth defects so they felt it was better to abort the child, so they were against the politician that was up for vote because he wanted to restrict abortions. The parents facing that imperfect child said, no, we don't want to have to deal with this, so take its life. I've seen cases where people have been born with extreme disabilities and they still have found ways to contribute to this world, and I've seen children who were bedridden and struggling to live, but their families were given the chance to learn how to love, and yes sometimes you will face the burden of only a few hours of life with the child. You could have a child that is happy and healthy, but you have to give up your dream of college and a fancy career or have the memories of a bad experience, but how you face that is the choice.
I know there are many ways to see the abortion decision, sometimes we are faced with a result of our own behavior, sometimes rape is the cause or medical issues, but whatever the reason that brings you to that choice, we need to take our benefit out of the reason. We have to remind ourselves that we are being given an opportunity to grow, to rely on God to see it through, we don't know the outcome and I'm sure there will be challenges along the way. If it was a wanted pregnancy with a perfect baby, in the end, there would not be a debate. But unwanted or imperfect babies are the challenge, you know there will be pain on the road ahead, but remember that taking away the baby rarely solves the problem and in many cases creates new issues you will face and maybe taking away the baby will rob you of an opportunity you will never see, or healing you will never find.
Yes I have rambled on today, and it been a bit of a windy road, but as I've gotten older I've learned that the challenges that have landed at my feet have always been opportunities for me to grow as a person. No, I have not faced every one correctly, sometimes there has been kicking and screaming along the way, but I have learned that giving those challenges to God makes them more bearable. He loves us no matter how badly we handle the choices we are presented with, and with every choice, there is an opportunity to be a better me, to find my purpose in the circumstance, to see more of Gods grace and mercy over me when I fail, to feel loved when I'm unlovable, but sometimes you have to wade through the muck to get there.
