I said in my first post that I was going to tell the story of a young man who was touched by abortion. You might think I’m going to talk about my husband and the abortion of our child, but no; this is the story of a young man that was gathered around the campfire that night in my “Breaking news” post. The young man in this story was not just one of the youth at the campout; he is my youngest son, Mark. He was not only touched by facing the fact that he had another sibling that he would never know in this life; but it was only a couple of years after that night that he was faced with the abortion of his own child.
They began dating on a choir trip they both attended during spring break of his sophomore and her freshman year of high school. They had been dating over a year when she became pregnant.
She didn’t want to be pregnant, and her parents didn’t want to deal with shame of a pregnant daughter; nor did they want her or their lives altered with a child at that point. We had a meeting of both sets of parents with the two kids to talk about what should be done, but regardless of me telling them of my abortion and the effects it had, they were set on the course they intended to take, and off to the clinic they went.
He wasn’t excited about the idea of being a father at that point in his life, but he didn’t want to see the life of the child taken either. I remember him stretched out across his bed, me sitting on the edge trying to comfort him as he cried. He lost a child that day, and I lost my first grandchild. It was a very difficult time for both of us and it created a bond between us that few will understand. They did manage to date for another year after that, but things deteriorated and came to an end.
When the topic of abortion as had come up since then, if he was in the room, I could see the tears well in his eyes and the constriction in his throat. His struggle is different in the fact that she made the choice and his opinion was not going to matter, he was not the one who thought it was a good idea, and he still felt the loss.
Like with my abortion, not much had been said over the years, but we’ve talked more since I began the blog, and he told me he’s more affected now when he sees a child of the appropriate age and thinks that he could have a child that age too. We have stayed in contact with the girl’s family, and we know that she married and just recently gave birth to her second child. He said her life doesn’t bother him, but he has asked the question “How is she doing herself?” Now that she has children, does she think about their child?
This fall we have attended the football games of boy whose parents we are friends with, and there son happens to be about the age of what Mark’s child would have been. Mark is close friends with the dad, and I’ve noticed he takes great care to be around the boy and support him. He has always been good with kids over the years and has always gone out of his way with them, but I think there is an extra soft spot for this boy.
Even though Mark was only 17 at the time, I think he would have been a great dad and he will be one day when the time comes. I can’t help but be a proud mom to see the young man he has become and thankful that he was willing to let me tell his story.
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