Today feels different for me. As I've been working on this project, many different levels of emotion has touched me. But today leaves me thinking about my child, not the people around me or the emotions that may be overwhelming me at the moment.
In the heat of the religious out cry a song circulated around and still can be found on the internet by Ray Boltz that for many years would cut me to the core. The song asked the question "What was I supposed to be?" That was a question that I've asked about my child many times, and I ask that question now, knowing that my child would have turned 30 this past year. But now as I look across those words, I only feel a wave of sadness and disappoinment for not having the chance to know that child, or see the life they would have lived.
What was I suppose to be (Lyrics)
Jesus walked upon the earth,
On the shores of Galilee ,
He'd say to His disciples,
Let the little children come to me,
I wonder if up in heaven,
Do you suppose we'll see
little children asking
what was I supposed to be.
What was I supposed to be,
What were my eyes supposed to see,
And why did I taste of death
before I even drew a breath,
Laid my head at my mother's breast, to sleep.
Oh Jesus,
Was I to be a prophet
used in the ministry,
A doctor who would find
a cure for some terrible disease,
Even if I'd been born imperfect
why couldn't my parents see,
That I'd have been made perfect
when you came back for me.
Oh Jesus,
Oh Jesus, what was I supposed to be,
Oh Jesus, what was I supposed to be.
The attached video is a bit long, but the message of God's love, forgiveness, hope and mercy touched me very deeply. I know that some of what she says is difficult to listen to, but I pray that you might be touched by her words.
Gianna Jessen from LMF CAM on Vimeo.
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