Fear & Faith

It's a little after five in the morning on Christmas morning.  With no kids in the house, it's peaceful except for my husband adding wood to the fire and working on his computer, and the stirring of the dogs. This is a first for us, to have a time of quite reflection before the chaos begins.

In just a few hours my boys will be arriving with their wives for some family time with us before they head off to other family visits and Christmas celebrations. Then we will have my parents and other extended family arriving to join us for dinner and family time for the afternoon and early evening. 

So now, while I have a little time I want to share a story with you. A story of an unexpected pregnancy, story of faith.

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Two thousand years ago there was a young woman named Mary, and she was engaged to be married to Joseph. The families were preparing for the wedding, they were preparing for their life together, and the family they would raise. 

Joseph was a successful carpenter in the area and was considered a righteous man among his peers when he began to search for a wife; he would have been a good catch for any of the girls.  

As he evaluated the girls in his area, there was something about that girl Mary; she seemed to stand out above the rest.  She had a good family, she shared his faith in God, and she was the one!

Mary and Joseph's belief in God would be in the foundation of their upcoming marriage. 

As the wedding drew near, something happened to Mary. An angel appeared to her and told her that God had found favor with her and she was going to become pregnant and carry the Son of God. (Matthew 1:18)

If Mary lived today what would she have said at that moment?  Excuse me, what did you say?!?! I'm a virgin, and you are telling me that by the Holy Spirit, I've become pregnant with the Son of God? You have got to be kidding me! What am I going to tell my parents, how am I going to explain this to Joseph? Will he even marry me now? Will I have to go on welfare, or continue to live with my parents? You know there's that clinic down in town; they seem to know how to deal with this stuff, maybe I should check it out, act like this never happened....

Well back in that day, this was something that would have brought great disgrace to the families and especially to Joseph (some things haven't changed that much). So when he was told the news of Mary's condition, he had some choices of his own to make. So much for his status in the community, what would the guys down at the carpenters union say? Did she really cheat on me? What was so special about that girl Mary? 

So Joseph began work though his hurt and anger, to question what should he do? He decided that a quiet divorce from her was his best solution. He did love and care about her, so this solution would avoid exposing her to public disgrace, but as he considered this an angel appeared to him as well, and told him to not be afraid to take Mary home as his wife because the baby she carries is from the Holy Spirit. That she will give birth to a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save the people from their sin. (Matthew 1:19-21)

Mary and Joseph were extraordinary people of faith, faced with a difficult task.  As I've attended Christmas services I had the privilege of witnessing a song performed in sign language by my daughter in law that moved me very deeply that I want to share with you. It reflects the questions that Mary might have had all those years ago and how she trusted God in all the confusion.

I'm sure that most of you are at least somewhat familiar with this story, and I have to ask myself what would Mary and Joseph have done if there had been clinics and doctors available to them? If there were yellow page ads of all the places you could go for your freedom of choice? Would they have chosen to terminate this pregnancy, to hide this strange event, to not interrupt the plans that they had been making?  To say we didn't ask for this, we don't have the money, we don't want to shame our families, to say I'm not ready for kids yet, this doesn't fit into our plan, for Joseph to say "this isn't my son"...how many excuses do we make when we are the ones faced with an unexpected pregnancy? Are we afraid, yes, was Mary and Joseph afraid, I'm sure they were. I'm also thankful that they did not allow the fear to overtake them, they chose to have faith and accept God's plan for them to raise this special child that would change the world.

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I know that when I was faced with my unplanned pregnancy, that I allowed myself to be overwhelmed with the fear of being a disappointed to my family and to God, and having my abortion only brought about a different kind of shame and guilt that has been much more painful then if I had brought that child into this world. I'm sure I would have faced shame in exposing my behavior to my family, but that time would have passed as the child grew and became part of our lives. Now I live with the knowledge of my behavior and the knowledge of never knowing that child in this life which I believe is much worse.


Thankfully I have the faith now to know that I am forgiven for those acts, and have the grace and love of God to shield me. I also have the faith that some day I will meet that child in heaven.


I pray that you all have a Blessed Holiday.

Apologies

To my Dear Blog, 


This has proven to be a crazy holiday season for me, so I'm sorry I've neglected you this past week  I've been over whelmed with thoughts of many things that I want to share with you, and I'm working on something special to share with you before Christmas arrives. 


I pray that each of you are finding joy as the days pass by, that you are being blessed by the encounters you have and that God is in working in you life.


Last night I had to drive close to 20 miles to downtown Portland in work traffic to rescue my mom and her husband with a flat tire. We were blessed to have a very sweet couple take them into their home, fix them hot chocolate and visit with them until we could arrive, which was close to an hour thanks to all the traffic. You never know when someone, a stranger, could reach out and bless you with the simplest of gestures such as a hot drink and a warm place to wait.


For me life is lived in the simple things, watching movies with friends, lunch at Wendy's after Church with fellow church members (because we are to broke for anything nicer). It's about finding blessings in those little bits of time, and knowing that it doesn't take anything expensive or grand gesture to be a blessing. The words of a song that moves you, or a smiling at a stranger and watching them light up because you acknowledge them as a human being. 


They say this is a time of giving, ask yourself how you can give something that costs little to  nothing and yet would mean a great deal to someone and especially a stranger. To exert yourself outside your comfort zone and think beyond all the shopping and commercialism that goes with this time of year.


Go for it, and if you get a chance to come back here, share your stories with us of what happened, and how it impacted you, I would love to hear about it.


Blessings to each of you, and I will be around soon.
Coral

Thanksgiving

As we past our annual season of Thanksgiving and move into the Christmas season I've spent some time thinking about things that I am thankful for.....


A God who can see past all my faults and still love me
Christ who saves me
Hope for healing and forgiveness
My husband who has stood by me through many dark times
A good relationship with my Dad
My two son's that I'm very proud of
Friends who I can be open and honest with about who I really am
A great church family that stretches far beyond the immediate church we attend
My golden retriever
Having a home
Our wood stove with a toasty fire going on a cool evening
Being employed
Pumpkin milkshakes and Christmas cookies
People who have taken the time to read my blog and supported me in the process


And so much more, I am very blessed

My name is Coral, and I've had an Abortion

As the first night of the Post Abortion Class drew closer, I found myself full of anxiety and fear; who would be in the class, what would they think of me, I had been in church leadership in one way or another for many years, would I still be allowed to do that once this was out? 


I had been telling myself that I had been forgiven, I had made amends to God, maybe I didn't need this class, and this was for woman who hadn't dealt with their sin. It was a struggle to bring myself to that first class, I would reason with myself as to why I did and didn't need to attend this type of class, but in the end I am ever so thankful that I did go.


The first night was the hardest, to be in that building, to have someone see me walk into that office where we were going to meet. But once I walked into that door of the building there was a relief of seeing others, some in leadership like me heading to different classes, doing what they needed to do with sin in there lives.  To take something from our past and maybe even our present and be able to give it to God, and say I can't do this on my own, I need help letting go. Regardless of when that sin occurs, as long as we hold onto it and never accept God's forgiveness, grace and mercy we will never be free from it. 


The things I learned in this class went far beyond just the healing from the abortion; it changed my life in how I deal with many things, regrets, grief and how I react to others who are struggling with sin and pain in their lives. When we get the chance to face challenges and come out on the other side we are changed, and working though the guilt, grief and pain will bring you to a new place in life.


When the availably of the class was announced we were not asked to sign up or make any public commitment that we were going to attend, so I  had no idea as to who would be there other than the gal leading the class and myself.  So with all my apprehension I walked into that room to find two other attendees who I could see were just as nervous as I was to be there. We all made brief introductions, I had seen these other woman at church, but really didn't know them, but this class would change all that. 


We spent a little bit of time talking about how we felt being in the class, given a book that we were going  to work through together and spent time reading the introduction of the book. There were flashes from each one of us that we wanted to bolt from the room, we were still not sure we were ready to face what we had done head on, but we all agreed to be back the next week with the assignment of reading and completing the exercises in the first chapter of the book. 


There were some tears shed that night and there would be many more as we painstakingly looked at the aspects around our choice. Hugs were shared as we departed and a very heavy weight had begun to lift, only slightly at that point, but it was lifting just the same. The hardest part was over; walking through that door and in front of those woman say "My name is Coral, and I've had an Abortion".