No more Fridays...

Well at the end of last week I had the unfortunate experience of being laid off.  But I trust that the right opportunity will come along at the right moment, I just have to be patient. But now I've been relieved of the task of driving past the local abortion clinic each day, and the protesters each week. But this will not stop me from facing the secrets and struggles that come with abortion and the difficult choices around it.


Strangely enough on Sunday I walked into the lobby of the church to find a table supporting the pro-life stand. They had pins of little feet that represented the size of babies feet at ten weeks gestation, and those rubber bracelets with some sort of anti-abortion slogan on them, but back in the corner of the table sat a small stack of books targeting healing for the post-abortion woman.  The table didn't bother me, and I was thankful for that small stack of books on the corner of the table knowing the woman who enthusiastically set up that table, likely had no direct experience of the impact of abortion.  In the bulletin was a flyer requesting your help to stop abortion, but as I sat there during the early part of the service my mind was filled thoughts of what the people who set up that table would say if I stepped forward and shared my story.  I found myself a bit choked up again, but I don't fear judgment from them anymore, but I wonder how much shock would come from that.  Not that I have the nerve to  stand in front of people and talk about this, I couldn't get in front of people and talk about anything with out a massive anxiety attack let alone talk about what it's like to face an abortion and to live with it afterwards. The pastor, one of the elders, their wives and a small number of members of the church are aware of my blog and my story, so I feel that if I spoke out it would only be some of the older members, some of whom have known me since I was a child, that would be left in shock by the information. I also feel that if I did share it could bring this issue home to the people of that church, a great many of the old members who have been at that church for many, many years suffer from being in a Christian bubble with little contact with the outside world.  They do activities and meals, bible studies and services with church friends and don't make friends outside that circle. I believe that as a Christian it is my job to love those outside my church, it's easy to love those with in, they are like family to me, but showing love to people outside of that bubble is how I show others how wonderful it is to have Christ's love as a part of our lives. It's in Christ's love that true healing from abortion is found.


This has made me think about the idea of speaking publicly in churches and maybe someday I will have the strength to do so. For now I continue to share with you here.