Last night I spent over an hour sharing the details of this blog with my new pastor and his wife, one so they would not be shocked if it came out through other sources, and two for their support.
After spending time with them I found myself drawn to searching the Internet for Abortion, and really see what was out there. I'm not sure why I had never done this before, but I'm positive it had to do more with my need to stuff the event down and ignore it. But this morning I went to Google and just typed "Abortion", and I found page after page of info on what an abortion is in medical terms, ads for places to get it done, horror stories of abortions gone bad, articles supporting it, and many, many stories like mine.
As I read the little snippets for each site listed, I did find an interesting theme running through many of the sites. Any of the sites that had anything to do with women who had had an abortion they called them "Abortion Survivors".
I feel guilt, I have shame, and I take responsibility for my choice.
Am I survivor? I'm not sure, you don't call an alcoholic a survivor, but a person in recovery, I was the one who made a choice, nothing was done to me without my consent, even if it had been forced on me, I walked into that clinic and allowed it to happen. Is this a disease that I don't have control over, no....am I in recovery, yes.
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